just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
