A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
