listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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