My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
