It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
