How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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