Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
