She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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