I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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