the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
