Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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