New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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