fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
