i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
