I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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