This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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