Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
