i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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