Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize