I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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