Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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