i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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