Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
