remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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