I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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