I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
