I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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