Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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