don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
