is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
