He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
