I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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