so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
