im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
