i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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