Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
