Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
