God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize