you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
