The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
