she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i drank out of a bidet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
