I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
