As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
