The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
