I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
