guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
