I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize