MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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