32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do vagina's smell?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
