Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
