i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
