I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
