I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
