fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
