While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
