peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
