Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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