He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
