At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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