Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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