So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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