I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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