why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
