There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
