The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize