I'm so fucking centered right now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
