If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
