sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
