this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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