her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
